One thing about not being able to sleep is watching all the new infomercials. Like the new Q Link Golf pendant. Wearing it will allow you to concentrate more and reduce stress for those big putts. More like, proof that golfers will buy any piece of shit as long as it's expensive and has some remote connection to golf. Which reminds me, I need someone to market my invention of golf rocks. They'll balance a golfer's swing if put in the proper pocket. But not just any rocks will work - only my specially polished rocks that I've pick up on the side of the road will work. They've been selected for their mineral content and are your's for the introductory price of $150 US per rock. For an extra $30 I'll throw in an instructional DVD on how to insert them into a pocket.

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File this under cheeky christmas present backfiring. Seeing as I gave a copy to sis as a joke only to find she was playing the same joke on me christmas morning. Give My Regards to Broad Street is further evidence on why the corporate Beatle can't be trusted to maintain the Beatle's legacy. A pure vanity project that allows Paul and Linda to dress up in zany outfits, play around in numerous sets, and destroy the Beatles and Wings back catalog with reworkings of various songs. Ringo, the drunk Beatle, comes along for the ride because he'll do anything. George, the smart Beatle, is no where to be found becasue he knows better and HandMade Films thankfully wasn't implicated in this specimen of feces. You'd think Macca would have learned from the Tragical Misery Tour.

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Merry Sol Invictus day

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Contrary to what other people think, I probably should get some new shoes.

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So I saw this new movie King Kong. It's really cool. Like there's this big ape and he scores with this hot chick . Yeah like he knocks her up and they have a beautiful sock monkey baby . But there's a new sheriff in town and he doesn't take kindly to that kind of mixing of species. So he runs Kong out of his jurisdiction. Unfortunately Jimmy doesn't get eaten by a giant bug . Hope these spoilers don't ruin the movie for you.

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A present from John and Barbara. I'm sensing an art project over the holidays.

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Happy winter solstice

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I spent a lot of time yesterday trying to write a post about people stroking Bono's inflated self-importance by naming him one of Time's 'Persons Of The Year'. Then I realised I had it all wrong. Bono is the saviour of the world! He weaves his Irish dwarf magic over politicians and immediately brings them to their knees. He heals starving African children by forcing them to sing and dance to U2 songs while he gets a photo-opt - it's the same as them eating a big bowl of nutritious porridge! Unlike the Gates who are throwing their cash at research and treatment, Bono keeps the billion plus dollars economists estimate he's raked in to buy hotels and jet set around the world in luxery. Because he needs to hop all over the planet in style if he's going to save it. And so what if his home country has one of the highest rates of poverty in Europe; saving that little island is not as high profile or a cause celebre as saving a continent. And it won't get you hobnobbing with Vladimir Putin either. Who cares that your simplistic view of how to solve African poverty would probably help corrupt governments that caused ethnic cleansing. Yes Bono, I raise my Bic lighter to you, your ego, and your easy answers to all the world's trouble. Write another one of your magical songs and pummel us over the head with your subtly. I also eagerly await the Time-Life CD series of the lamest protest songs - I'm hoping Jamie Farr and Cathy Lee Gifford will do the infomercial for it.

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So today I almost impulsively bought myself a pair of Puma shoes that I didn't need. Probably because they were a nice blue and silver colour and I've always liked the Puma logo because it's a puma. Didn't really feel comfortable on my feet so I declined them which is probably for the best since that last Puma's I had were in high school and they disintegrated within a month. So quality and Puma have never really been completely reconciled in my miniscule brain. Unlike Asics that I can order a 10 in any style and make my toes happy. Did you know that Asics isn't even a Japanese word, it's Latin for Anima Sana In Corpore Sano. wow I made my head more learned today.

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Loonatics Unleashed. Did someone say New Coke? Or Poochie? This is truly one of the worst bastardization of Bugs and company since Space Jam.

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There never seems to be any old Catalinas for sale.

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Part of the problem of all these shows like CSI is that for all their supposed realism, they're more contrived than most TV cop shows. That and everybody in the show is so butt ugly I can't stand looking at them. What's missing these days is the high concept police drama of shows like MacMillan and Wife. Now that's entertainment:

San Francisco Police commissioner Stuart MacMillan and his beard - oops - wife Sally, solve crimes in 70s polyester high fashion		Yes Mac does what all police commissioners do, personally fighting crime in the streets with his fists.
But before we get ahead of ourselves, lets have a drink.		Crime rings are easy to infiltrate because they often gravitate towards society parties where a friend or acquaintence of Mac can be suspected of murder or jewel theft.
Remember, puffy shirts are always a good choice for party goers.		Something else commissioners do is let the media interview you at the crime scene while walking on evidence
Ooops don't forget your flask on the way to the office. Drinking on the job is okay when you run the police force.		Schedule some qualtity time during your daily commish duties to chase murderers through San Fran on bikes.
Fighting criminals is tiring so you better have another drink		Take your beard/wife to the crime scene so she can be endangered by criminals (once you've got your hetro look established in the public's eye you can kill her off with a plane crash in season 5 and bring in Martha Raye)
And finish off your day with a good stiff drink

They just don't write TV like that anymore.

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Today was like someone repeatedly saying "don't put it there, put it there" but then pointing to the same spot everytime.

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A gift is only a good thing when the giver has given thought to that gift. But when the gift the giver gives gives grief, then that gift should give the givee regrets.
In short expect crappy xmas gifts this year.

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It's the De Lorean Concept Motorcycle. I was told of its existence on friday and struggled for the last couple days to find an actual picture of it.

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Someone took me this morning they had a dream that I was getting married. I was going to say that this is a far cry from most dreams people have of me - which usually involve me being dead and smoking crack out of giant pvc drainage pipes. But then me married is probably about the equivilent.

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The Muppet Show Character Guide. Or how to spend a morning going "oh yeah, forgot about that one".

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