Ewww that meeting was like being trapped in a room with Elliott Gould's mutant evil brother.

hey it feels like there's golf balls under this blanket. Oh look. the Easter Cat left a late stash of Easter poo eggs. Maybe i could leave these behind as a welcome present for the next occupant. Good thing I was planning on buying a new bed and bedding.

They showed this place to someone interested in renting it today. Forgot to leave a note in each room for what to expect noise-wise from the other apartments

• Bathroom - flushing, taps, gargling, occasional tinkling.
• kitchen - skreetching pipe from above apartment
• bedroom - snoring from the guy upstairs (luckily nothing of a more personal nature so far)
• livingroom - all the great music from the dudes in the basement. Their occasional fights. All their friends banging on their front window to let them in. Plus the new added treat of a playstation they seemed to have picked up over the weekend.

Enjoy!

This Easter I was awoken by a cat trying to hide a chocolate coloured treat under my pillow. Only it wasn't chocolate or a treat.

Just another gym observation: no matter how old or skanky a women is, as long as they have blond hair and breast implants they're guaranteed to attract old letches wanting to know about their work out routine. Another observation is that New Balance seems to be the footwear of choice for aging letches.

Because I just don't have enough stress in my life right now, I decided I needed to up the ante and go get my taxes done. Because I need to find out how much more money I can drain from a bank account. Not to mention it's always entertaining to field those "are you married yet?" questions from my Betty White looking accountant.

Hello bank person. Why yes, I think I am ready to sell my soul and first born to you for a mortgage. Unfortunately for you, my soul is black as coal and the chances for any offspring is in the negative 100s. But I'm happy to take your money anyway.

Looks like I'm going to be a homeowner. Or is that apartment owner. Or is that apartment owner with a pink bathroom suite.

Something equally entertaining from Synergy. Maybe it tried to match the album title to a literal image.

In a top secret business plan, Burt Reynolds wants me to make a Shroud of Turin cookie sheet. Oh wait I was only dreaming that. Bet a Shroud of Turin lasagna pan would sell better anyway.

A piece of my youth has been stripped from me. Popeye Candy Cigarettes are now called Popeye Candy Sticks. They don't have one end dyed red like it's lit. AND they've changed the taste so they're no longer as sweet. Sort of defeats the entire purpose of them. All you're left with is this disfigured white chalky stick and what's the fun in that.

Wow. The only way you could make this Powerpoint even more dramatic is maybe if you combined your use of Comic Sans with the equally inspiring Brush Script.

Damn. Car engines are so cramped now, 30 minutes to change the bloody signal light. Was on the verge of taking the battery out just to reach the damn bulb.

Hello Pork Congress. Stop faxing my cell phone.

Police blunder into sex game. Otherwise known as keep it in the bedroom people.

So I was starting out for my first long ride of the year yesterday. And it struck me - what happens on these rides when i get really old and incontinent. But behold Better Pant^TM! Designed to allow a higher level of physical activity without the leg bag falling down the leg. Of course there's always the traditional peeing off the bike done by professionals too.

There's a few things I can count on after viewing yet another condo that I won't be buying - some wonderful basslines from the dudes living downstairs and finding bugs somewhere enjoyable like in dishes. Very helpful in making my existence in this apartment even more enjoyable.

LCD Soundsystem, Cat Power, and Gruff Rhys all in one place. That could be worth a trip.

I called Japan for free. Since it's a day ahead I got the lucky tip to bet on the brown horse.

Okay maybe it's just me, but there's something about a religious ventriloquist singing I Love Little Pussy that I find perversely funny. Maybe it's just me...

So last night's dream where I gain insight into the meaning of the universe broke down into 2 components. 1) Listen to a different Welsh band per road you drive on. 2) Isn't it great to store all these envelopes in bigger envelopes