Hey it's Oscar time. I'd like to take this opportunity to lobby the committee to ban any appearance of Robin Williams or Whoopie Goldberg from all media. I'd add Billy Crystal to that but because he made fun of Robin Williams the last time he hosted, he gets a lifetime achievement award. I'd also like to lobby a nomination ban on any roles where putting on an accent is involved or the role of a hooker is played (even one with a heart of gold), or any movie that changes the name of a book to something that sounds like it came from a middle management meeting. While I'm at it, I'd like to lobby for a lifetime nomination ban on any actor who takes an Oscar-baiting role of a mentally or physically challenged character.

And I really would like to hear these speeches