Craptastic: Blog Jam

An ongoing log mainly concerned with the bowel movements of small mammals - or so it seems.

Saturday, February 28, 2004

Driving into the city from the north on Simons Valley Road one sees Isengard in the distance...Oh wait, it's the enterance to Calgary's latest attempt at creating culture with a "Celtic" community. Peat moss costs extra.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Proof that some people have no sense of humour or worry about their stock in Monkey Brand:

I love my Monkey Brand box - it's proudly displayed in my livingroom in pristine condition next to the can of Ligo Squid. If I was the president of the company, I'd be marketing the hell out of it as a brand. Monkey Brand toques, Monkey Brand activewear. Who wouldn't love a shirt with that logo on it.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Goes to show you that if you step out for a slurpee and forget to close the bedroom door, some fat bastard cat will take the opportunity to get in there and puke on the sheets.

Fixed the comment system finally. How many months was that down for? So attentive am I. But that's what happens when you use free services.

Hey there's even some comments here

Monday, February 23, 2004

It's McGarrett's Mercury. Dano action figure not included.

Sleep paralysis yet again. This will ensure a fucked up disoriented day. Also added to this will be the constant hounding in the office of "why didn't you come to the wine and cheese party?". Because I had other commitments saturday. Plus given the choice between shaving my head with a cheese grater or going to any dinner party, 9 times out of 10 I'd take the cheese grater.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Saturday, February 21, 2004

Fucking iTunes. You wiped out my entire iPod without even asking.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Managed to tear a chunk of skin off my thumb trying to put a new tubular tire on the bike.

I should update this site sometime...but that would take effort. Was that James Coburn driving that car...oh right, he's dead. Wonder if I have any food in the fridge.

Monday, February 16, 2004

The Craptastic School For Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want to Do Other Stuff Good Too
It's been a while coming but the Craptastic school is now open. For the moment we're offering a Diploma in Craptology but once we get the other wings built there'll be Bachelor and PhD available. So compare your current salary to the salary you could be earning in the exciting growing field of Craptology and apply today.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

There's nothing like Oscar time for the cable stations to drag out any D-grade movie featuring - even in the tiniest role - any actor with any remote connection to a nominated film.

Saturday, February 14, 2004

Looks like he has the power alright.

Friday, February 13, 2004

James Darren in TJ Hooker! You have to click on the link if only to hear that amazing theme again.

Thursday, February 12, 2004

You know what I really feel like doing right now? Monkey dance

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Dear Norah Jones
I'm not saying that I hate you, but your music makes me want to drive potato peelers into my ears. Maybe because it spews out of speakers ad nauseam in every store, building, office that I walk into. Maybe because it's the definition of elevator music for the new millenium. Maybe it's the completely boring inoffensiveness of it that makes it so offensive. I'm not really sure, but each time I hear it it feels like I'm trapped in a piano lounge from hell and the walls are creeping slowly towards me.

I've converted Mandarin, Japanese, Taiwanese, and Korean text into graphics for 6 months. Still don't know what actually qualifies as the baseline.

Monday, February 09, 2004

iTunes for Windows and Mac iSbogus
I've always found Audion a better player anyway.

Sunday, February 08, 2004

Spilling coffee on the powerbook. Damn I'm smooth.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

I'm eating a carrot stick, this is hard exercise.
So like I'm trying to work all day because there's lots happening. And I get that sorry ass saturday morning hygene song "Exercise is great but exercise your choppers too" stuck in my head. Don't know where it came from. Or what triggered it. But it was there all day. Then in an amazing act of synchronicity, I find out at the end of the day that there is a chance I could end up working on a project that has a very similar theme. Of course the first thing that pops into my head when I hear this is Alice Cooper. Like the Alice Cooper Group. ESTER! Alice Cooper, baby! Alice Cooper! Uh-uhrrrmm... Like the Alice Cooper Group. Do you wanna touch me? DEAD BABIES!

Brontë was shooting for the triple this morning. The world's longest pee in the box. Super hairball right after getting out of the box. Then trying to take a dump on the livingroom rug. Total highlight reel material.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Acqua & Sapone
Kind of like these and the Moser bikes. Tier 2 team probably will do okay unless the best name in cycling, Bo Hamburger, gets caught with drugs up the yazoo again.

Monday, February 02, 2004

One of the best things about this time of year is the new cycling teams are presented and you get to see if the new jerseys look really bad. I've always had this theory that in any sport, a good team uniform doesn't gaurantee winning but a bad one ensures you won't win - Patriots couldn't win the superbowl in their old dork uniforms but when they redesigned them they could. As always my arguements come down to impeccable science.

Teams so far

	Brioches La Boulangère Better than the full-on red jersey and red shorts of the last couple years. Black or dark blue shorts are always better than other colours. I'd say slight improvement for this team. Doesn't hurt that they've got better riders this year either.
	Liberty Seguros The new Once. Sartorial, but something about it looks a little reminiscent of Postal to me. No change in team fortunes.

	Rabobank same as it ever was.
	Landbouwkrediet-Colnago As blah as ever
	Alessio-Bianchi two. two. two teams in one. Not sure about the Bianchi green on the usually nice Alessio blue kit. Or maybe I'm just miffed about the switch from DeRosa to Bianchi. no change in fortunes.
	T-Mobile Going back to the total Telekom pink. Looks like they're trying to capture past glory. Verdict is still out on this.
	Phonak The jersey by itself is acceptable. Nothing earth shattering. But then going with the green yellow shorts. Icky! You think people wold have learned from Credit Agricole that green shorts don't play in cycling. If they went with black shorts it would look so much better. Blame those shorts if Tyler does bad at the Tour this year. Especially when the CSC kit looks so much better.

		Pirate Cow Evil Twin BibliOdyssey Geisha Asobi Liisa Cycling News Not My Dog Puffy Foods Splorp Strong Bad BabaYaga Bazima Bonnie Blog Cacomixl dewit.ca Fingerfarm I Hate Music Nothing Is True Owen Schwart MD Pansapien Poopscape Supah Tricky Kid Vitamin W

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