Some unfortunate features of Die Another Day: Madonna's song, Madonna's appearance, the fact that Madonna's character isn't beheaded.

I think I'm going to start asking to be paid in chickens and crocus flowers. However, Krokus albums will not be accepted.

When you really really really have to go to the bathroom that's when all the traffic lights conspire against you.

There are some things you should always take time out of the day to do. Like converting Big Lebowski sounds into Mac System sounds so Jesus can answer your mail.

Or maybe there are more important quizes to take.

Maybe you're brushing your teeth wrong.

Maybe you're crazy and don't know it.

1 part gin, 1 part Campari, and a little less than 1 part Sweet vermouth. Make it really cold. Add a bit of orange peel. I like a cherry too. And you're cooking with gas. The after effects also drown out the slamming of doors and yelling of neighbours. I thought there was a Bunuel connection too but it's too late to care now - my legs feel numb.

...so then I wander into a shoe store to delay going back to the computer and I stumble upon a great pair of shoes.

And then I say, "My you are a most wonderful pair of shoes. But I'm trying to save money and I don't need new shoes". And then the shoes say,"Oh, just put me on your feet, if only for fun". To which I unwittingly do. Then the shoes whisper in my ear, "Don't I feel comfy? I fit your feet almost to perfection as if we were made for each other. See how beautiful I look on your feet. Haven't you searched for a pair of shoes like me for ages? Don't you want to possess me?". To which I reply, "Yes, but it's all moving too fast. You are so beautiful and I currently dress like an off duty janitor. Where could I possibly wear you that would befit your lavish style? And I have christmas presents to buy. To purchase you would mean no catnip for all the kitties's stockings". Only to be retorted by those soulless shoes, "Foolish mortal! You will pay for your insolence! You will take me to the cashier and produce a VISA card!"

Then I ran out of the store trying to shake the shoes's mind control power. As I ran I could hear them snickering, "You'll be back. You know you want me".

With every passing moment I look at these Photoshop files, the urge to run away screaming grows and grows.

No, I'm not trying to copy only one frame. No, I do not need the Instance dialog box. No, I do not need the Frame Actions dialog. I just want to extend the length of this friggin' selection by dragging it along the damn timeline.

Somedays I'd like to blow Flash to smithereens.

Dark Passage found in Mike's List.

Okay. Now this is just getting fucking wierd.

Gliddy glup gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy

Gm7       C7    Gm7    C7
La la la lo lo

Gm          C7
Sabba sibby sabba

Gm         C7
Nooby abba nabba

F                F7
Le le lo lo

Bb         Em/A
Tooby ooby walla

Dm7        A7
Nooby abba nabba

Ever get the urge to put on gorilla suit, jump in a car, crank up some Bacharach, and do rambling road trip somewhere? Just a thought.

Computer Features from www.rita.thegourmet.com, courtesy big brother in Sweden.

State of the nation address
Let's see. Nov 15. It's officially been a year since being layed off and where am I? The first half of that year was spent recovering from a hairline basal fracture and burnout, making looking for another job sort of pointless. The last part was spent realising there are no jobs to look for. I'm sort of working now but it's small contract projects here and there. I have the feeling that fulltime employment is nowhere in the forseeable future.

During this time, I think I've considered switching to every other job imaginable (plumber, electrician, auto mechanic, boatbuilder, x-ray technician, mailman, ski-lift operator, cat kennel owner). Thought about going back to university to take something even more useless to employers (the world needs another sculptor or installation artist right?). Saw my life eerily start to mirror Odd Todd. And fielded calls from wignuts with computer skills that amount to setting a typewriter next to their television (hey have you heard of these new things called compooooters?).

But I have to admit it's been one of the best years I've ever had while living in this suburban-mall-purgatory of a city. I travelled to Europe again. Visited both coasts. Read books instead of tech manuals. Drove irratically through the Rockies several times in Mojo. Hung out with friends. Drank gallons of Slurpees and coffee. Visited lots of family. Watched almost every major sporting event this summer. Watched reruns of all the bad scifi shows Space Channel has to offer about 4 times over (I drew the line at The Immortal though). Got back into doing creative projects. And managed to get on the bike almost everyday. Sure one or two things were missing but they're always missing.

Oh. Still don't know what I'm going to do with myself...

I am looking for work. Maybe I should apply over at Ninja Burger.

I will not dishonor the condiments

Learn your Ninja Clan at the Ninja Burger website.

Space monkeys are go. Now for XVIII monkey.

Always thought Pushkin had little Siamese in him.

"Megaesophagus is another defect involving mainly Siamese cats, although it is seen in other breeds as well. The most common symptom is regurgitation. Regurgitation is different from vomiting in that the food is completely undigested and the event occurs immediately after eating."
Cat's Meow - Cogenital Defects in Cats by Katherine Dodds, D.V.M.

Last night's dream highlight: bashing the Child Catcher on the head with my snoopy lunchbox.

I think I've become addicted to clipart.

No wonder I get odd emails. Current top 15 Search phrases for the site:

• bondage barbie
• lowriders
• lowrider cars
• barbie bondage
• gigantism
• craptastic
• hermaphrodite
• 13
• toothbrush holder
• cornholio
• invalid sibling link
• masturbate
• cookie monster
• burgermeister meisterburger

How does your cat say "I love you"?

I'd be willing to pay double just for the packaging.

Lotto. The hope of the damned and unemployed. Bloody crappy numbers. Not even a free ticket.

Gates of Hell

This morning I woke at 4am in the middle of a dream. When I opened my eyes, I could swear a guy with natty dreads was at the side of the bed with the intent of sticking a knife in the side of my rib cage. Or maybe that was Pushkin digging his way under the blankets with the intent of puking Whiskas. Either way, it was freaky.

Uno, Dos, Tres, Cuatro
Somedays I'll play a song about 70 times just to hear one line or chord change.

Can I interest you in a box of crap?

Perfect for storing those precious family jewels.

Need a name for your first born? How about Bagpuss...

For such a quiet Sunday morning I don't think I've ever been cut-off, crowded over, or nearly t-boned so many times. It's as if the roads were filled with an army of Ned Flanderses in such an orgasmic state of getting to a church that they didn't have to obey any traffic laws. Or maybe they were out to prevent heathens from getting coffee.

This is a warning to all aspiring rock stars. Any tour of Sweden will involve an appearance on this show. And you could help a lucky contestant win a ham.

If you really love me...

There's sooo much I should do today but I don't give a shit, I'm going for a bike ride on the icy roads.

Ever notice that sometimes cat puke comes out like foamy insulatation. Expanding in kibble-colour as it leaves their mouth.