So tired. So very very tired.

You know what's great about setting the clocks back 1 hour? When you're suffering from insomnia and you wake up at 2am, you're now waking up at 1am. And then you can find out what great TV viewing is available at a slightly different time and listen to the cat scratch the side of the litterbox for about 30 minutes.

Thanks to the cats' favorite cat treat in a bag, Ziplock bags now cause the same reaction in them as the can opener.

Moomin trolls via Göteborg & Campbellton.

If Architects Had To Work Like Web Designers

Got a long way to go and a short time to get there
Me and Little came up with a movie project that's so brilliant I'm surprised it hasn't already been done. A Smokey and the Bandit remake with Ben Affleck.

	The Bandit Burt and Ben, both folliclely/acting challenged. Ben can add the cowboy hat to his repertoire and save money on wigs at the same time.
	Runaway Bride Carrie aka Frog Sally and Burt were an item at the time so why not Ben's current companion J Lo. Added movie bonus of J Lo running from soon to be divorced husband or P Diddy.
	Snowman Burt always liked to hire his pals so who better to play Ben's side kick than Matt Damon

There'll have to be a few plot changes like using cell-phones instead of CB radios. And since Ben just did a stint in rehab maybe he shouldn't be transporting Coors across state lines - maybe that could be human organs or something. Hollywood execs can forward all checks and royalties to this website.

Full moons seem to disrupt my sleep, waking me up at 4am. Full moons make me howl when I won't be able to sleep in my bed because it's full of cat puke and sheets have to be washed late at nights. I'm so glad my quilt is: A) a cheap deal from Winners; B) a mottled pattern that hides puke stains.

Can someone - anyone - please make Reese Witherspoon go away? And take Julia Roberts with her while you're at it.

So another contract ends...You know what would be nice, a contract that doesn't end. Wait a minute. Isn't that called a fulltime job? Oh yeah there's definitely no hope of that happening.

So once again I start scheming of possible money making ventures. My latest is a multi-million class action lawsuit again Disney. The charges will be that because of their movies I was misled as a child to believe that goofballs with no practical real world skills end up solving crimes, winning races with grossly underpowered vehicles, inventing things, gaining magical powers that ensures an income for the rest of their lives. I believe my economic situation proves these are falsehoods and I want 35 years of magical back pay plus interest and legal fees. If future situations prove me wrong I'll be more than willing to reimburse them.

This morning I feel like selling off everything, changing my identity, disappearing into the mists, and resurfacing in another country where nobody knows me. Hello, my name is Jorge, may I show you our delightful selection of cheeses? It seems like a super-fantastically logical plan or maybe I'm still a little tipsy from last night's after skate cocktails.

The Action Lama - Steven Seagal
Yeah it's old news but it's still funny especially after flipping past another one of his bad movies on TBS today. It must have been his compassionate environmental work from On Deadly Ground that led to this discovery. More importantly, is he also the reincarnation of a 3rd rate movie ham from the 20th century?

He sings off key. He skates backwards. He's clad in blue and making a return engagement for another season. Now all that's missing is his twirling apprentice. It could be even more entertaining if the Blue Blur sang Red Sovine or Jim Reeves classics.

Brotherhood of the Wolves is a ridiculous movie. Brotherhood of the Wolves is an embarrassing bad movie in dubbed form. They must have found the lowest quality dinner theatre actors to dub lines over the original french. Why did the guy have to keep his arm hidden tied behind his back? To hide his socially unacceptable long finger nails? I also think small pox or some other disease would kill any Iroquois warrior travelling to 18th century France long before he got a chance to duke it out with a secret society. The movie probably would have been better if they ditched the storyline and concentrated solely on martial arts or sex.

Where the fuck is the Blue Blur?

Avoiding work. Browsing Survivor and Amazing Race sites. Curious thing about the Survivor site bios is that they read more like an application for one of those idiotic "blind date" shows rather than an outdoor survival show.

Haven't decided who to cheer for in the Amazing Race but I want Team Leather Face to be eliminated quickly. Mr. Leathery seems like a jackass. And Team Zoolander is a little creepy...

Oh why won't my PHP script work? Is it because I haven't had to use my brain for 6 months?

Been pretty unproductive the last 2 days. But I bought a new cutting board, cereal bowls, and a really nice wind breaker for cycling.

Why bother camping when the bathroom at Granny's has the same back to nature feel? To many family members this is known as possibly the world's worst bathroom. Will the hot water work? Will the toilet flush or go in reverse? The horror the horror...

Once again an attempt to give the cats extra special treats results in Pushkin hurling foamy puke all over my bed.

I like the idea but I don't like the price point.

Ever wonder about the Ding Dongs and King Dons and Ring Ding issue? Now I finally have an answer. Ding Dong has a much better sound than King Don.

It's a fact...

The Queen has 36 Shares in my uncle's boat. Wonder if she'll ever collect or could be hit up for gas money. Bet she'd like to go for a 3 hour cruise.

Not to be outdone. Pushkin threw up on the bed sheets I had just thoroughly cleaned of Brontë's "accident".

Back again with a week of posts to post since I was disconnected on route. Also great to come home to a cat welcoming me by immediately shitting on the rug and then finding pee in the bed. I was so looking forward to sleeping in my bed but I guess I'll be on the couch tonight till I can clean this mess up.

Babies on planes make for uncomfortable audio.

Sometimes when I travel I think of stuff...

The patch from the yellow cap is now mine. A quasi heirloom from the Glenn.

Only had about 12 hours to go but still couldn't manage it. Never fails that I can always find a way to entrench a foot firmly in my mouth at family functions. It's sort of like how long can I go without wiping out on a bike or incurring some other accident. I'm an eeeeeeeeeeediot. I'm taking a vow of silence and staying in my corner. Maybe I can get bit by a mink again.

We indulged in Island takeout this evening. Fries with the works and Big Erics were not ordered. My sugar, coffee, pop intake has quadrupled in the last week.

As a kid we'd be drug to half the houses in West Prince and introduced to distant relatives I didn't have a clue about or had never seen in my life. Not having been here in so long I feel like the unknown relative people are being drug out to see. Being the one that hides in the corner, I can't be terribly exciting for people to meet either.