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An ongoing log mainly concerned with the bowel movements of small mammals - or so it seems.
Tuesday, April 30, 2002 More Bad Sci-fi TV
![]() You know, considering all the people, aliens, robots, nazis, and timetravellers wandering through its forests I don't think this place is all that Lost. Monday, April 29, 2002 Sunday, April 28, 2002 Always the innovator, this afternoon Pushkin created a magnificent waterfall of vomit from the top of the Cat Condo.
Saturday, April 27, 2002 Hopefully this will keep me in tatter-free bike clothes for a while.
![]() ![]() The beauty of full-zip jerseys is I don't have to raise my arms at the end of a ride to peel them off. Friday, April 26, 2002 Thursday, April 25, 2002 The cats are both sneezing, I feel like crap even with a mint julep and akvavit. Du Jour means cleanliness. Du Jour means wearing your seat belt.
Wednesday, April 24, 2002 Tuesday, April 23, 2002 Elvis is Everywhere...
![]() he's even looking at dinosaur remains. He traded in the Cadillac for an Oldsmobile to throw people off ![]() Flying lizard in sky. Turok will shoot honker with flaming arrow. Sunday, April 21, 2002 Arrr, if it be hidden treasure ye seek then go north half a knot from the Calgary Remand Centre then 5 paces east. There ye shall find Spanish doubloons and the Jade Marsupial. You'll also find a 1970s harvest gold vinyl footstool.
Friday, April 19, 2002 All these Library-referenced occurences are really starting to unnerve me. At the BFA show two of the freakest freak library lurkers were there. One who was trying to invent a new source of power, a perpetual motion machine, or find some hidden pirate treasure. The other was the bottle-glasses, do not make direct eye contact, don't make any sudden movements, mentally disturbed woman. Had this fear of Mr.Fuck or Doctor Gum appearing the whole time. Then after show who should appear but Super-Spanky or Spankmaster (can't remember which one he was just that he usually smelt like a wet fart).
Oh yeah. The show. It was better than I thought but had to leave feeling really cooked, spacey, and disoreinted from 2 hour bike ride right before the opening. Keep forgetting I function worse than normal in crowds (which isn't great to begin with) after rides. Having now spent many months studying bad sci-fi fight scenes on daytime television, I'd like to share some practical self-defense techniques I've gleaned.
Thursday, April 18, 2002 ![]() Since I was driving around 11:00 AM - the witching hour for octogenarians to get in their cars and head to the nearest Co-op Store - I had a couple thoughts... When I get really old and decrepit I'd like to be prevented from buying a Lincoln Town Car or similar big ass vehicle. And if I need an air tank to breathe, it's probably time I should give up my driving license. Oh yeah, a supply of Depends would be an added bonus - then I'd be able to drive to the Co-op, do some left hand turns into traffic at red lights, and be home to watch Mattlock without any pitstops. Wednesday, April 17, 2002 Damn Amazing Race. Why couldn't the skanky separated couple or the skanky frat boys who want to steal the skanky separated couple woman be eliminated.
New boots and panties
Tuesday, April 16, 2002 In a very special episode of 7th Heaven the eldest son (Rufus Wainright) converts to Judaism then deals with circumcision and "morning wood". Randolph Mantooth guest stars.
Monday, April 15, 2002 Sunday, April 14, 2002 Another example of why the Canadian government should never have been involved in the entertainment industry.
Saturday, April 13, 2002 Are my 15 minutes up now? Funny, think he ended up just quoting the site instead of anything said during the interview - which is okay since I interview like a fool hepped up on goof balls.
Friday, April 12, 2002 Thursday, April 11, 2002 Not a terribly productive day. Today's high/lowlights include:
And now to stagger through the house with my old man post-ride shuffle and lay in the shower for a half hour.
Wednesday, April 10, 2002 I bet with the cape and thigh-high boot attachments, my new watch will shoot death rays at on-coming traffic.
Tuesday, April 09, 2002 Puttering about with a .htaccess file is not a big deal.
Your FTP client not spotting the existing .htaccess file and overwriting it with a crappy one is a big big big deal and makes you feel bad bad bad. (Of course after the fact I slapped my head and asked myself "Why the fuck didn't I just go in with BBEdit instead?") Monday, April 08, 2002 ![]() It never fails this time of year that if I'm out for a ride and bonk, this uncontrollable craving for a Nestle Big Turk chocolate bar comes over me in the struggle to get home. If I don't manage to stagger into a 7-11 enroute to grab one I end up going through a bag of chocolate chip cookies after dragging my sorry ass in the door. Lemon Fresh FSA! It's a new laundry cleaner. Yes FSA (Feline Stomach Acid) will rid any shirt of ring around the collar...Pushkin was up to his old tricks last night and puked the chunks of carpet he thought he should eat all over some clothes I left laying out. On the positive side, by setting the clocks an hour ahead he now howls at the ceiling at 4 in the morning instead of 3.
Sunday, April 07, 2002 ![]() If someone had left me keys to the garage I could have had the Volvo X-Country coverted and ready to go when they got back. Side pipes and flames optional. Saturday, April 06, 2002 Friday, April 05, 2002 Oh, in case you've got your gun out and you're out hunting vandals, you might want to use this as a reference.
![]() A new culinary treat
Recipe for Vandalism PieNow you're probably asking yourself what course of action should you take if you run across such a pie. Here are some possible solutions Joseph W. Bennett outlines (you might want to skip the niceties and go right to the final four):
A special Chef treat: Vandals Wild: a Shocking Exposé of Vandalism and Misconduct in Our National Parks and Recreation Areas ©1969 by Joseph W. Bennett. This book brought hours of entertainment years back while toiling at the library. In it you'll find out how to send your wife and children out to confront vandals, how to shoot vandals' tires, and the difference of between gin and liquor.
Thursday, April 04, 2002 Wednesday, April 03, 2002 Spent the last 2 hours on the phone doing an interview about the Cancon section. Think I ended up sounding like a bigger moron than usual. And then I found a spider climbing up my leg.
Having typing dementia all this week. My mind thinks one thing. My fingers type something completely different. God knows what I've said in emails.
Wonder if I'd impress any government civil servants today if I show up for this brainwashing session dressed like PeeWee Herman.
Tuesday, April 02, 2002 Been writing up all the forms the Unemployment people want me to produce tomorrow at the "session". I apologize in advance to all on my "Job Search Record" hopefully this is just another piece a paper that they file somewhere and they don't actually harangue people about who's been calling about jobs.
Monday, April 01, 2002 |
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