Dreamt last night that I was living in a very norrow apartment in a small hotel. Came home and found the door open. My TV and computer were stolen and only one of the cats was there, Pushkin had snuck out the open door while I was away. To assure me it was just a dream, Pushkin woke me up at 4:30 by wandering through the bedroom meowing at everything and stretching himself up the wall with his claws.

Another birthday wish for the week with many yet to come. Happy birthday Michelle.

Get your Monkey running
Head out on the highway

Though I'm not quite ready to partake in drinks yet, it's important to remember some essentials.

I'm glad someone has documented this kind of behaviour. I've always had my suspicions especially with birds.

Paynes Grey might have saved the day.

On to happier notions. Heard one of the cats puking at 4am. Now I have slimey cat puke on the sole of my right foot.

Hmmm. Found out a couple minutes ago that an uncle of mine who's had alzheimer's for several years just passed away. Not to sound new agey or anything but for some reason today I knew there was something up in the universe. Not quite the same feelings as when Dad died and I had a sudden pain in my stomach at the very moment it happened 600 kilometers away. But some of the same general "something's odd" feelings - like something in the universe has changed but I can't put my finger on it.
 
We weren't very close to Lorne - I don't think I had seen him for about 7 or 8 years. And given his current health situation, this wasn't a shock. Still the inevitable feelings that come with death are there and the worry about other family members.

Cats extraordinarily bad this morning. Knocking things over. Chasing each other.

Not really sure what to make of this weekend. Was it surreal? What is it coincidence? Was it retro flashback 1991?

Dog is now turning a dark blue/steel colour. I've decided I can't paint worth shit these days so at some point dog might have to be put down.

One of the many problems of not doing anything creative for over a year and a bit is total inability and indecision with paint. Tried about 10 different colour variations on the dog and it just didn't look right. Finally had to spend the rest of the evening coating the whole dog in a drab grey to even out all the other colors. Maybe tomorrow I can decide. Meanwhile all my lovely gesso gone to waste under grey.

Wiener dog and Sheltie fight for supremacy outside my place.

Nothing like getting up extra early to hustle off to be bled. Got a really good blood drainer, she didn't even bruise the vein. And then I got to lay on a bed with lots of wires attached to an EKG thingy. They obviously handle a more elderly clientele - my readings kept on shooting off the paper because they had it set to amplify weaker readings. Although it made me feel good to hear that my heart was one of the strongest she's hooked up to do readings on. Then again I'd hope mine would be stronger than the 70 year olds sitting in the waiting room.
 
Only thing left now is the look over your shoulder and cough exam. Have to get to Foothills Hospital one of these days and try to scam my skull x-rays and Cat Scan - they'd probably go good in a shadow box.

Cool

Tonight I fast. Tomorrow I pee in a cup.

Good thing my sense of smell is fucked. Spent the evening with an open can of Behr Clear Lac. Wonder if the fumes are still here. Wonder if there's cat feces laying about that I can't smell. Wonder if they've pissed in a corner and I'm oblivious to it.

Breaking News
Brand new Slurpee machines at the 7-11 corner of Northmount and Brisboise.

Duane just gave me an incredible idea for a new crafty project at home.

You could get this on a t-shirt

But only if you listen to Walk and Chew Gum today 12 noon - 2 pm for details and make a donation for the funding drive.

Note for the record. Nothing wrong with country music as long as it's country music and not Country Music Channel country rap. I'd still buy Parliament before Merle though.

Something new. Added a rotation list of stuff currently getting heavy play at home or in the car or both. This may not stay so get it while you can.

Why won't my Craptastic email work in this building every other day?

It's Booger's birthday today. The EPO will be in a brown bag on your front steps along with a box of After Eight dinner mints. Happy birthday Unkie Booger!

My happy old Mavic derailleur. Yet to find a Shimano component with pulleys that can spin as smoothly as these.

No sign of Blue Blur. Old guy that skates faster than me was there. He had a nice toque I wanted to steal.

Figure 56 of how to fix your Simplex derailleur. From the bike manual I got in the mail today from Mike in Vancouver. Canada Post did a nice job of ripping the package open for me. Guess they wanted to check if it was the latest shipment of Anthrax I was expecting from Osama. For those who care about old bike parts the Simplex derailleur shown here (circa 1972) is basically the same mechanical design as the Mavic derailleur that served me happily from 1988 - 1993. Completely reliable design that shifts as smoothly and quickly as today's STI indexed thingymabobs and doesn't care what kind of gear cluster you've got on the back wheel.
 
Other things besides mail I found were: coffee pot and Thunderbird icons at Pixture Studio; Iron Chef icons at The Iconfactory; Logan's Run sounds at pixelhaus.

Coming soon to a Gap near you

Got some entertaining comments submitted to the Jared survey. I've made the comment submission update a file that everyone can see now. To find out more on the Jared conspiracy step on over here.

Earl's. Moxie's. Kelsey's. Red Robin. Aren't these really just Denny's with a lot of crazy crap on the wall?

What was even stupider than this - not to mention more annoying - was the constant company wide emails that came from "You" wanting chocolate cake and coffee. How do you piss off the staff worldwide of a company going through layoffs? Send them ill-conceived marketing pablum.

Anybody got some spare Alkyd Painting Medium?

The week in review since it's been an interesting week and it seems a long time since I've had an interesting week:

• profanity
• a lot of concern arising from profanity including phone call from Sweden (really I'm okay, was just venting)
• monkey freedom
• papers being signed
• entertaining emails
• websurfing
• weird coincidences
• Moose sighting
• bad art sighting
• new blog
• being mistaken for reference in new blog (different howie different city sheesh)

A bulletin will be posted about coming events for next week. Highlights will include: finding out about weather on PEI, Booger's birthday, and of course the usual feline fecal matter updates.

Caught Brontë sleeping under my duvet which usually means something big is on it's way out sometime soon and landing somewhere unexpected. Other things to get done: buy more paper towel and Outright Vet Strength cleaner.

To-do list for tonight

1. get Slurpee
2. sand gesso on dog
3. fix horn on dog
4. debate about putting second horn on dog
5. clean cat vomit
6. get paper with sole purpose of getting tv times
7. plan escape from Calgary to Spain or other European principality
8. get disappointed around 8pm after Super7 ticket fails to win

Important news for the day. New Princess Superstar album in stores soon.

Buttons from John and Barbara fresh from Toronto. Something has to be made with these but what...

Now that I've had my best expulsion of Vic & Bob profanity, maybe today will be a brighter day. I'd just like to finish up with saying Yes.

Let me add to that last statement:
YOU CUM GUZZLING DWARF WHORE!

YOU FUCKING BLOODY LYING COCKSUCKING BASTARD!

Yeaay friend Mike in Van (as opposed to Moose in Vic who has yet to return my last email) now online with blog of his own. Complete with Partridge family style layout. A new archive to read in my remaining time in the pit.

A special link for Monkey

Said while holding up a penguin in last night's dream:

"I have the penguin so I control the city"

Monkey now set free. Who will entertain me all day? Who will poke fun at me and listen to my inane stories? Who can I annoy enough to launch desktop items in my direction?

Always in search of the truth, a new survey has been set up here at Craptastic to find out what the public thinks. Be sure to answer the questions. The fate of the known universe depends on it.

Damn cats won't stop running and thumping into things tonight. Somedays I think I running the Island of Misfits for cats.

The requested stars for Grant.

Every pair of pants I own seems to fall off my ass these days. Beginning to Feel a bit like a refrigerator repairman.

Mojo now happy with passenger window moving up and down again. Even covered by waranty. They didn't give me the usual "how did we do" questionaire. Wonder if that's because the forgetting to order parts and me having to do it for them after waiting 2 weeks might cost them rating points.

Nothing says I love you more than cat boogers.

Maybe there's investors in Winnipeg who'd be interested in my SlurpeeWAP. Thanks for the tip Mike.

So little motivation to do anything productive these days. Should be doing something useful but would rather vaccuum the rug.

Today's fun acquisition is a big box of Rabbit Skin Glue. Made from the skins of real rabbits. Did you know that rabbit skin glue absorbs atmospheric moisture on damp days and swells; as well as gives off moisture on dry days and shrinks. Special firefighting procedures: water or foam may cause frothing if directed into container of burning material. Use water to cool containers exposed to heat. It's a fact!

Yaaa more hate mail! This verbatim from "A Real Canadian"

"Becuase they have nothing better to do than bash Canadian music... I guess that's what happens when you're born with no talent and too much time on your hands. My condolences to your parents loser."

Funny how the people who get offended just send hate mail but never try to refute any band ratings. It's good to know that I've angered at least one more person. Part of me hopes this is really from Arnold Lanni or Jay Semko.
 
For future reference - nowhere on this site do I lay claim to having talent. Oh and my mom is doing great but thanks for asking.

The fun of having access to stats is finding out all the new places where the site comes up like The Front, snazzykat, and several bulletin boards. As well as general fun stuff like "Bondage" is the top search term for the site. That the US Federal Goverment has had 7 page hits while the US Military has had only 1. Wonder if I won the worst website award I was nominated for. Dog is progressing - hermetic symbols to follow.

Anyone wanting creamless better act before I change my mind and register it for real.

Why do I get the feeling that even though I've been told I can get out of here at the end of the month that they'll fuck me over and I'll be stuck here well into november.

Flat tire on bike ride. Too much broken glass laying about the roads into town makes tires go whoomppphhhhhhhhh. My bladder was happy to get home. Am I sharing too much today?

More clotty scab fell out my ear this morning. I bet you all wanted to know that.

This morning's thrill. Fixing hotwater faucet in shower.

Started rambling to myself in french while riding which in itself wouldn't be all that odd if I had actually spoken french since 1988 university class and that I couldn't speak english until I got back into town.

Sliver under a fingernail while working this morning.

Rode my bike around the route I was going to do when I crashed. No sign of blood on the pavement at the scene of the crime. No sign of my missing water bottle either.

Last night's dream was an episode of deplorable show 7th Heaven set on Prince Edward Island. Special guest star was a balding Randolph Mantooth who was trying to sabatoge that heartwarming minister's marriage. It was high-quality viewing for all ages. Kind of devolved from there into a grocery store that sold tasty freshly made bread as well as oddly shaped sea sponges.

While rabbit dries, greyhound gets body cavity but no head.

If I ever get another job something I'm going to try to get is a cam for my visor and a new CraptastiCam. That way people would actually be able to make out what these pictures are. At any rate this is rabbit with his Cookie Monster at the end of phase 1. Next up for rabbit once the paper-maché dries fully is a coating of gesso - the real stuff not that fake plastic goop.

Hey Jane's been doing some site redesign. Thanks for the hiring push. First one to hand me a piece of paper to sign wins - or loses. Hmmm doesn't seem to be a lot of activity. Damn

Oh my god! The french locale was missing commas! How dare I publish the site with this grand oversight. Maybe to get the real site updated and generate sales from the money earning portion of the site.

Things I need today: 3/4" wood screws, big glassy marbles, putty knife, stick of some sort (not for eye poking), might need granules for rabbit skin glue.

Hold on got to go check the moon.

Since I've re-entered the world of paper-mache, thought I'd mention to anybody interested in the medium that they might want to check out this book. It's the only book that includes cats, trombones, and plungers in the necessary construction materials.
 
This is merely semantics but can anything Billy Joel has ever recorded really be defined as "essential"?

Oh me so almost happy with that news. The dance of joy might have to be done.

Now that duvet has been cleaned of cat urine and placed back on bed, how long will it last before another round of professional cleaning. Hoping to see the moon again tonight but it's too cloudy. Full moon tomorrow. Have Albigensian heresies to voice and wicker men to burn.

My friend Mike in Vancouver knows another cycling Howie. The other one has had 3 crashes this year. He also had a concussion (with the bonus of head stiches) as well as added crash points by being hit by a car in the spring. Must be a bad year for H's on bikes.

I got coffee up my nose.

It's a maggot with legs