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Giving new meaning to Swedish massage, Swedish Man Convicted Of Bicycle Molestation

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Iceman + Cheap Trick
Where my fascination with the Iceman started, and it had nothing to do with Kiss.

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One of the joys of springtime in Calgary is the 20°C swings in temperatures which always makes the proper clothes selection for the day a tricky chore. Luckily when it heats up like it did today, the city is treated to some fine Randy-like shirtlessness by some of the finer physical specimens in town. Those first flashes of a pure white beer gut is like the return of the Canada Geese from the south or the first sign of gopher road kill of spring. Always eager to exhibit the profits of their winter exercise program of cheeseburger eating, often the best displays of the Randy-gut can be spotted while driving through some of the more upscale areas of Bowness, Ogden, the East Village, or Forest Lawn.

Labels: randy gut, shirtless, Trailer Park Boys

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My Bloody Valentine Finally Coming Back To The States
Is this for real? My Bloody Valentine are playing again? Can they please play somewhere closer to me?

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Fresh as a newly dropped cowpatty, I've added a new site to the Craptastic media empire. Pirate Cow is up and broadcasting. In keeping with the Craptastic brand, quality is job number 4 or 5.

Labels: cow, launch, moo, pirate cow

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6 words
Liisa tagged me to contribute to the this "describe my life in six words meme". Took me a while to think of something that equalled 6 words. I mean there's lots of shorter descriptions i could throw out there like "consistently inconsistent","results may vary" or even "Douchbaggery-R-Us". But all are less than six words. So after much deliberation I settled on
"Richie Cunningham with a black heart"

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Discovered that Moleskine has started to produce city notebooks with maps and info for major cities. Hopefully they'll have the Tokyo one out before i leave. Spidersenses tingling that it may be of use on the trip.

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Honest Abe
Giving America just what it wants. A viable candidate. Someone free from corruption. A visionary who speaks to the common man...So with a rushed Photoshopped poster, we are pleased to present Abe Schmoigle for president.

That's right. Abe Schmoigle. Pulling your pork America. Would you trust your pork in anyone else's hands?

Possible running mate of Great Mazinga yet to be confirmed.

Labels: Abe Schmoigle, elect Abe. Pulled Pork, election, president

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So all my hard work last week working on a crucial political issue that could change human rights worldwide comes to naught. CafePress was concerned about the copyright of my Brit-Che design and put it up for review. Yet another example of how the man is wrongly persecuting poor Brit and keeping the public from knowing about the political tie that binds her politics to Che's. You know, the important stuff like both wore hats and had people chasing them. Not only that but as everyone knows Che had that cool motorcycle and leather jacket like Fonzie and it's only logical that Britney would like totally date the Fonz. She'd be Che's Pinkie Tuscadero and she's even got a pink wig! Yah that's right, they'd dance communism right into your heart with the help of Red Bull and Adipex. Viva la revolution!

Of course there's always spreadshirt.com or I could silkscreen these suckers myself.

Labels: Brit-Che, Britney Spears, che guevera, T-Shirt

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Gave up on doing a bunch of variations of desktops because as usual these days too busy to get around to it. So kept it simple with plain black and obligatory splatter versions. Noticing all the points I'd normally clean up but Craptastic is not about quality control.

Valentine Skull desktop plain

Valentine Skull desktop splat

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To all romantics and/or maybe stalkers.

Are you in need of a new mode of expression this Valentine's Day? Something that screams, "My pants are getting tighter thinking about you" but at the same time suggests, "[Bastard/bitch] you gouged my heart out with a rusty spoon". Or maybe you're looking for something as subtle as "Fuck you motherfucker Hallmark holiday". Well look no further because romance is alive and well here at Craptastic. Behold patrons of Eros! It's the Craptastic Valentine Lovefest card free for downloading. A card so enfused with the arts of seduction that you'll feel like you're reliving a special episode of Blossom or maybe Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire. We've sort of forgotten which one.

Anyhoo, the card is formatted for Avery Note Cards in both horizontal and vertical layout. The inside is left pristine so you can release your inner cupid. So get it. Get it now! But worry not all you negligent paramours. Craptastic will be waiting here to bail you out the evening of Feb 14 with that special craptastic message of love.

Labels: card, craptastic valentine, eros, hearts, love, romance, skull, valentine, valentine card

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infomercial aesthetics from holzman on Vimeo. Via The Triumph of Bullshit

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Shopping in Vancouver was pretty much a bust except for a couple of CDs I picked up -like the Superbad soundtrack. The music is probably better than the movie as a whole except for any scene with the cops and McLovin. Bootsy Collins is pretty hard to beat on any day. He even makes James Brown better. Witness James Brown "Ain't it Funky Now", Paris 1971. Sound and picture are kind of crappy but worth the 6:02 minutes of your life. And pick up Funk Power 1970: A Brand New Thang while you're at it.

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